Better be divorced than dead

An unfortunate incident that could have been avoided has (sadly) become another of our reality today. Regrettably, the deceased isn’t here to speak for herself. And an alleged killer husband has been giving his (probably ‘rehearsed’) version of the story. As I read the report of the mother of two that was reportedly killed by her husband (during a domestic dispute) in Lagos recently, I said to myself ‘’if their marriage was riddled with infidelity and disrespect as he claimed…he should have walked away-if he felt that he was being pushed beyond his tolerance limits.”

Fact is… a lot of married persons have found themselves (at certain moments) in a situation where they could have reacted similarly but chose to act differently.

The uncomfortable reminders for us all are therefore …

* The murderer would certainly be punished severely by the law, as the rest of us blow hot but the deceased remains in a body bag or six feet under. All the noise won’t bring her back to life…yet, it didn’t have to end this way.

* Not all that walks around is mentally sound. And there is a thin line between insanity and sanity in an individual who’s been pushed beyond the limits of his/her endurance. Depression (probably fuelled by accumulated anger) also enables such ‘mode’ in a person.

* If divorce is a sin, domestic violence is even a bigger sin. Yet, divorce is a lot easier on children than a cantankerous marriage.

* Ladies, desist from taunts that aim at rubbishing a man’s ego (even if it’s to elicit jealousy in him); you just may be pressing a ‘snap’ button in somebody. Evidences have shown that such can make most of them feel murderous.

* At any point in a married person’s life, he/she actually has the right to ‘walk’-if a marriage is no longer what he/she bargained for. But should you decide to hang in there…please respect that marriage.

* Any relationship that parades ‘acrimony and disrespect’ more than ‘good’ isn’t worth it…you might end up being pushed beyond your limits-someday. Therefore, you are better off ‘alone’…and with your sanity intact.

* If you are a neighbour/ relative of someone that’s grappling with abuse/violence in his/her marriage, please, stop minding your business. Reach out to him/her. Anonymously report your observations to concerned bodies/families of those concerned. You just might end up saving a soul.

* Religious bodies have to step up their acts. Do not just counsel, pray and send the ‘abused’ back to a matrimonial hell. Maximum support (e.g. shelter, economic/emotional succour, etc) should be provided for the affected.

* Any relationship that seems to further deplete (and not add to/enhance) your being (e.g. peace of mind-especially) – isn’t worth it. If you insist on hanging in there(without getting help), for whatever reason-then get ready for a few possibilities that may occur…the ‘body bag’ scenario(for example) is still as potent a possibility as ever.

* Your peace of mind should be non negotiable. I have never ceased to tell people that it is far better to be divorced and retain your sanity-than being in an acutely troubled relationship…with no efforts at seeking help.

* Life is so short that our number one goal should be ‘zero tolerance to any setting that zaps our peace of mind/sanity’.

* When two individuals come together (in marriage)-there is bound to be challenges but a situation where these challenges become the order of the day, leaving your soul in perpetual tears and wears? Please find the nearest exit and go make the best out of the rest of your life.

* You owe yourself some sanity and you won’t know the possibilities out there-until you give yourself that ‘enough is enough’ push!